I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
