honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
