he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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