Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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