remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
