Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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