I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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