Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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