You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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