i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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