having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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