dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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