I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
