and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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