wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bring me that man meat
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
