I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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