Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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