remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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