Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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