I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
