So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
