I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
