who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize