haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
only if we run a train.
done.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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