Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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