I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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