please come you make the beer taste better
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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