alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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