Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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