theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
