Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
