They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
