Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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