Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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