last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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