3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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