sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
