Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
