You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
