I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
