I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
