I need help removing her.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
