walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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