I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
