Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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