3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just pee around me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
