Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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