She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
