I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
