Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
