It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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