saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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