Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my sisters under your porch take her home
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
