My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
