do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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