just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
