Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
