My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
