I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
