I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
