i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
